One crude definition for small talk is this, "conversation about things that are not important, often between people who do not know each other well:" - Cambridge Dictionary
If you look around the web you will find similar definitions about discussing "trivial matters" or "transactions that don't need to be addressed" which seems to suggest that small talk is really unimportant. Literally, the first definition says it's not important. Fortunately for the sake of
this article it actually is really important. Small talk, for people that can do it well, have a great advantage over others that cant therefore it is a skill that can and should be honed and hopefully mastered. Small talk may just be talking about anything and everything and may just stop at that but it may lead to other topics of conversation that may be of great benefit. If you can successfully small talk with someone and bridge into a more beneficial topic than it's well worth it. Bottom line is that it is a social skill that every man should be proficient at.
Reasons to Start Small Talk
To Open Conversation - A conversation has to start somewhere unless you already know the person than it is important to start so you can open a dialogue and learn more before moving to other topics.
To Break Silence - If you and another person are stuck together with nothing to talk about the silence is a killer. Awkward Silence is brutal to deal with, find something quickly to talk about.
To Cap Off a Conversation - If a conversation was serious or stressful and you want to part in a positive way that will keep the relationship friendly for next time. Small talk can be used to tone down the conversation so it can be ended on good terms.
What to Avoid Saying
When you want to strike up a conversation with someone there has to be something substantive to talk about. Simply saying, "Hi, How are you?" will most likely get a response but it will probably be a short one that leads no where like, "I'm good." or "Not bad." You need to already have a follow up question or statement to pose immediately afterwards that will elicit more of a response. Same goes for common question that have to do with the weather. More often than not you will get a short response such as, "Yeah, it's hot." You should also avoid opening with a cliché since some people may not understand or be tired of hearing a cliché in the first place. "Hot enough for you?", "Who ordered this rain?" and others similar to those should be avoided.
Have that follow-up ready to go, if not, you are in trouble. Good questions to ask when you know nothing about the person would be something to do with the person themselves or maybe what they are wearing. "Cool shoes." or "Where did you get that shirt?". If it's a woman: "I like your hair colour." or "Nice earrings."
Statements or declarations are different, you are pretty much stating something with the hope that a word or topic contained in your declaration will trigger a response. Something along the lines of, "I hope John is having a good time on his day off, he's been through a lot lately." Saying something like this could trigger the other person to ask about John, what he's going through or activities on a day off. There are lots of segues to other topics more relevant to you or the other person by doing this technique,
Conversation Lull
If you have struck up a great flowing conversation with someone and you have lots in common than you may never experience a lull in the conversation. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens and you have to be prepare for it. If there is a break or a pause of 3-5 seconds that little bit of time could be long enough to kill any momentum you had. There are a few ways you can avoid this however.
_________________________________________________________________________________
"There is never an embarrassing silence that can't be turned into a regrettable conversation."
~Robert Brault
_________________________________________________________________________________
Shift the Conversation - Throw the conversation into a different topic yet similar to what you were just talking about. If you are talking about Baseball than switch to Hockey. If you were talking about work, throw to hobbies.
Break Off - Tell the person you are just going to check on something, go say hi to someone else, you are going to get a drink, or excuse yourself to make a phone call. Breaking off the conversation before the awkward silence is better than suffering with it. You can always circle back to the person again later since the conversation was left on positive terms.
Comment on the Silence - Making a funny comment on an awkward situation can break the awkwardness and give you another opportunity to leave the conversation on a positive note. Saying something like, "Well, I guess that's it for that topic." or "Sounds like we've exhausted that topic." is perfect.
Final Words
Mastering small talk is just like mastering any other skill, you have to practise. If you are in a social situation use 2-3 of these techniques and see how they work. Learn what works for you and stick to that. Knowledge is also a key component. If you don't know anything that's being talked about and cant contribute than you are doomed. This is why the man of tomorrow must be constantly learning and exposing himself to new experiences.
No comments:
Post a Comment